500 years, and not a minute wiser… That’s my life all right. Did I wise up in any way? In some perhaps… But when I think about it, in all those years, the only thing I’ve truly become “good” at is loss.

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My name is Oliver Clean. I may have spent 500 years on a lonely island, but for the time being, I am in my kitchen, busy roasting seafood with vegetables. That’s all there is left from my former life. And that’s all I need.

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This is The Voice in Oliver’s head, and here is something I want to share - an insight that you couldn’t gain on your own.

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Kids smile 400 times a day on average. Adults only about 20.¹ Between 50 and 100 if they are bright minded.²

This is the Voice in Oliver’s head. My kind exists beyond time and space, yet we do understand the concept of time. But time is not made up of seconds. It is made up of special moments.

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This is not Oliver Clean. Oliver is still denying his destiny, pretending to be cut out for a dull, uncomplicated life. But in the depths of his soul, well hidden and far away from his consciousness, an invisible battle is unfurling, a battle to reclaim the purity of his true identity.

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This is not Oliver Clean. This is someone else… Something else. Hard to explain. You’ll know in a minute.

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I feel the need to expand somewhat on my recent tight-lipped closure, find more words for what I feel. Here they come. I hope you can find in them a meaning of own.

When you spend 500 years on an island, you die more than once. So you think you’ve got used to it. You think you’ve got used to attending your own funerals, and listening to jeremiads. But they never fail to surprise you, both the circumstances of your death and the response of the Universe to it…

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The Grim Arrow has closed. Not even 500 years on an island can make a soul bullet-proof. Shit happens. It can’t unhappen.

In search of the Divine, I have found only madness.

My name is Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years, I’ve been stranded on a lonely island. Have you ever spent 500 years alone? No? Coz’ if you had, you’d appreciate what a divine gift togetherness is. And how fragile…

This is a Grim Arrow Special. I’m publishing it ASAP, outside of my usual slot, in the hope I can help two certain knuckleheads before they entirely blow it…

But wait, let me start at the beginning.

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My name is Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years, I’ve been stranded on an Island. Separate from other human beings, and civilization as a whole, there was little to experience but my own self.

And then I returned.

And shit happened.

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My name is Oliver Clean, and … you know! 500 years… Lonely island… Wild sex dreams… And now: A Nerdette Casting, and an application that blew my socks away! 🙂

Here it goes:

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Hi Guys! Oliver Clean here. As you know, for the last 500 years I’ve been stranded on an island. And if you now think “He had a lot of time to come up with such a colorful metaphor for a post title”, you are mistaken. It’s not like that.

But watch the video first, it truly is one of beauty and art:

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Hi there! My name is Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years… Oh, what the fuck! I’ll just cut to the chest!

Remember I’m looking for a cute little blonde nerdette? Sure you remeber! I strategically posted pics of a hot blonde bookworm to make sure you do!

Well, about that… I’ve got an update for you. Yes I do! 😎

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Hey, my precious seven blog readers. I’m only checking in to tell you this Monday’s episode is canceled. Sorry. I know the deal was “Always Mondays”, but I’ve been lying in bed with a heavy flew, and for the life of me, I can’t shoot my arrows straight....

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My name is Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years I’ve been stranded on an island, unsuspecting we would one day have an Irish head of state : President O’Bummer. A man with such an unlucky name is at least marginally worthy of my attention. Meaning I...

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My name is Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years I’ve been stranded on an island. The one thing that I didn’t miss at all during that time was: Politics. Many things changed when I came back from the island. This one didn’t. I’m still not into polit...

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I am Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years, I’ve been stranded on an island, where I had plenty of time to develop all sorts of plans.

Unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that most of those plans require dealing with computers nowadays, and I suck with computers. They are just not my area of competence. My area of competence is to look grim and talk with a creepy voice to people who deserve it. That’s my professional focus. That’s what I’m good at. And that’s how I wanna keep it. I mean, who wants to be a Jack of All Trades, right?

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This post was inspired by a Morgan Freeman appearance on the Late Late Show. Watch video?

My name is Oliver Clean, and for 500 years, I’ve been a fan of Morgan Freeman’s. But on that island, he has also been my guide.

How?

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You remember my perky grim idea I came up with on the Island I’ve been stranded on for 500 years? The one where I’d get back at my mom for my shitty childhood?

Well, I did it! Just the other day!

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My name is Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years I’ve been stranded on an Island, with only one goal: Get back at my mom for my shitty childhood!

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Hello, my name is Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years I’ve been stranded on an Island, with only one goal: Survive! And what an ambitious goal it was, to survive for five hundred fucking years! Yet I did. I’ve overcome rains, storms, sunburns, w...

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