My name is Oliver Clean, and for the last 500 years, I’ve been stranded on a lonely island. Have you ever spent 500 years alone? No? Coz’ if you had, you’d appreciate what a divine gift togetherness is. And how fragile…
This is a Grim Arrow Special. I’m publishing it ASAP, outside of my usual slot, in the hope I can help two certain knuckleheads before they entirely blow it…
But wait, let me start at the beginning.
There’s this great couple in my neighborhood. I mean, if there has ever been a great couple, like EVER, these two are it!
You know me, I have this super-power to sense bullshit from 500 miles. And I sense it all the time, with most people, and most couples… But not with these two. No bullshit there, nope.
And now they’re having a fight. Like their first fight EVER! Yes, that’s right! Their FIRST fight, and they are both shitting their pants like some infants. But of course, on the outside, they act like ice picks. Or fucking nuclear warheads! Like “Touch me, jerk, and I’ll blow your head away!”
Just imagine that: Two nuclear warheads with shat pants…
Truth is though, that’s not how they feel inside. The other night, I heard the guy walking up and down in his apartment, literally for hours, mumbling, sobbing, cracking the bones in his fists… Finally, he sat down at his laptop and wrote something in his diary. And yours truly sneaked in and made a copy for himself.1
So here you go! One grim love story, first hand, straight from my newest investigative prowl:
Glittering Star Dust
(Or how I killed my Dragon)
A message. Her message. Harsh, stringent… Draconic!
My fist impulse is to write back something… cold, distanced, a verbal slap in her face…
But suddenly, a loud laughter bursts out of my body. Huh! She’s trying to pull that stringent act ON ME? I fucking invented that act! 😆
The laughter lasts for a second, then it turns into fading nostalgy.
This isn’t going anywhere…
Open your eyes! – I remind myself – Open your eyes and just fucking look!
What have we become?
Nothing is about US any more. We’re just two egos trying to hurt each other, trying to defend themselves, fighting a desperate fight for survival…
Ironically, we are fighting for survival in the midst of Eden. That’s how stupid our egos are!
Togetherness… No trace of it anywhere around any more…
I don’t know if we can ever return to that magic place we’ve once been. So much has been damaged. Per usual, at light speed, like all of our story.
But regardless, I’m grateful. For an insane, unforgettable, Shakespearean moment in time, we have rocked this universe. What a colossal supernova we’ve been, giving birth to galaxies and legends… Generations to come will look up to the night sky and praise the wonders of it, never knowing the glittering star dust up above used to be the two us.
As I write this, my heart is calm, wrapped only in a thin blanket of sadness, just enough sadness to add poetry to my closing breath.
Whew! Did your heart stop for a moment reading those lines? See what I mean?
What these two have is EPIC!2 I’m telling ya, people have killed for less. What, whole WARS have been fought over less!
How can I not want to help them?
Now, you two, if you are listening: Fucking get your shit together, ye hear me?
I’m telling you again (and I’m talking with my grimmest voice now, so better pay attention):
Get your shit together! The Universe wants you to! My readers want you to! I want you to! Don’t make me visit you at night! 😉
Seriously! Don’t be those guys, those zombies who condemn themselves to uprooted lives, devoid of any truly meaningful connection! Trust me, the world doesn’t need more of those guys. There’s enough of them walking the face of the Earth already.
So pull your heads out of your asses, push your messed up egos out of your way, and just fucking talk! Don’t just stand there like brain dead! Interact! Your hearts will find a way where your mushy brains can’t.
My name is Oliver Clean, and I am The Grim Arrow – on a mission from Cupid himself!3
And to all you lucky bastards out there who have found their soul mates, to all you lovers, sinners, cravers, dreamers: Sleep well. Be well. And keep your Dragons safe.
- And for all of you, of course, my faithful seven readers! Dude, USB keys are awesome! 😎 [↩]
- And I’ve had a glance or two into her diary as well. Same epicness there, no doubts! [↩]
- Boy, you should see me now, wearing my fucking sun glasses at night, almost feeling those tiny little wings on my shoulders… Anything for Love! Oh yeah, baby, I’m romantic like that. 😀 [↩]